by Renee Scattergood
“Your focus determines your reality.”
The quote above was spoken by the character, Qui-Gon Jinn, in the movie, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I know it may seem silly to be using a quote from a science fiction movie, but truth is truth no matter the source. Not only is it a quote that is true to your whole life, but it is the foundation for the whole concept of attraction marketing as it directly relates to you and your reality, and how you are perceived in the realities of others.
I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times. The way you see yourself determines who you will attract to yourself. For instance, if you see yourself as a loser, then you will attract losers. On the other hand, if you see yourself as a success, then you will attract those with a successful mindset.
When you really understand this concept and internalize it, it will change the way you think and behave. You’ve heard people talking about someone becoming an overnight success? This is essentially how it happens. One day something clicks in your mind and you suddenly understand the power within you that determines your ability to succeed.
It’s at this point that you face your real challenge. You’re suddenly faced with the fact that you’ve now got to express this truth to your own downline and prospects. You now see it as clear as day, and it becomes difficult to understand why so many others can’t see it as you do. It can get pretty frustrating at times. The “guru’s” will tell you not to waste your time with these people, and I certainly agree to an extent. You don’t want to put too much energy into a person who isn’t willing to do what it takes to become successful, but resistance doesn’t always stem from unwillingness. More often than not, it stems from fear.
As a leader in your business, you will assume responsibility for those who follow you, just as the leader of a nation is responsible for his or her people. Now, you are in no way responsible for their success or failure as that responsibility is all their own. However, you are responsible for how your actions affect a person’s ability and desire to succeed.
When I was first introduced to Network Marketing, I had a very well meaning leader. He was successful in our business, charismatic and he really cared about the people he worked with. The only thing he had working against him was that he was also very arrogant. The more successful he became, the more self-righteous he seemed to behave. His focus and bottom line became about the money and that in itself caused my confidence in his leadership to waver.
Now after reading Mike Dillard’s work, I can understand where he was coming from. I know it was important for him to not allow himself to get caught up in the negativity of those who have not yet developed a successful mindset. However there is a big difference between acting with indifference to someone’s ignorance and acting with contempt.
His behavior towards me at one point actually lowered my self-esteem and caused me to go in reverse. In fact, I quit Network Marketing shortly after that and did not get back into it for about 10 years. While he is not responsible for my lack of success over the years, he is responsible for his own actions and how they affected me.
If he had merely acted indifferently towards me, I would have been driven to get his attention again by doing whatever it took to be successful. I liked and admired the guy and having him blow me off subtly would have been all it took to drive me to success. Instead he decided to humiliate me in front of some major leaders in the company, which completely backfired.
He probably felt that the humiliation would burn me enough to get me in gear, but it didn’t. It was at that moment that I realized I would never succeed in that business. Not just because he made me feel as though I was a failure, which he did. But also because my perception at the time was that I would have to treat people the way he treated me, and it’s just not in my nature to treat people in that way. So I left Network Marketing, not because I thought I couldn’t succeed, but because I didn’t like the person I would have to become in order to succeed.
Of course, I know better now. I know that his behavior had nothing to do with being a leader, but was a part of his own character flaw. So when I saw similar behavior in a forum I visit regularly that is focused on building leaders, it brought me back to that moment. It was obvious that this guy was a newbie, and he didn’t read the forum rules. He inadvertently posted something he shouldn’t have and immediately several people attacked this guy and completely humiliated him.
I seriously doubt he will come back to that community, which is a shame. For all anyone knows, he could have been the next Jim Yaghi or Perry Belcher, but because of a simple mistake based on ignorance, he was chased away from a place where he could have learned why what he did was not going to help him succeed. Now he will probably just go somewhere else and repeat the same behavior or maybe he’ll give up all together.
You’re probably wondering why this is your problem, but as a leader you have to realize the power you hold over people, especially those just getting started in Network Marketing. Many of these people will have low self-esteem and will have a hard enough time learning to do what it takes to become a leader themselves without having people humiliate them for their mistakes. So as a leader you will have to decide if you will allow your ego to control your actions, or will you act with compassionate authority? Will you develop a God complex, or will your guidance be firm and fair?
If you focus on building leaders, then you will lead by example and act with compassion. People will be inspired by you and want to emulate you. Yes, there will be those who make mistakes. Who doesn’t? There will be those who just don’t get it, but a good leader will recognize when a person is not ready for success and move on. A good leader never makes a public display of a person’s failings, unless it is a past failing, and it’s being used in an instructional manner for others to learn from.
Unfortunately, there are “leaders” out there who are mainly focused on their own self-importance, and these people are little better than bullies. Yes, they may care about people and may have a true desire to help people succeed, but their methods are centered on building their own ego. They will use humiliation and bully tactics to get people to do as they say. These types of leaders don’t build leaders, they create lemmings.
So the next time you see someone break a rule or make a mistake, will your focus be on ignoring them or correcting them in such a way that demonstrates good leadership qualities? Or will you publicly humiliate them in an attempt to improve your own self-image? If someone in your downline or one of your prospects keeps questioning everything you know is a key to their success, will you quietly walk away and work with someone who deserves your attention? Or will you point out how ignorant that person is and suggest he or she goes back to their J.O.B.?
Part of being a good leader is understanding that your position as a leader is not just determined by your knowledge of the industry. You can have all the knowledge in the world, but if you treat people with disrespect, they will not want to follow you. Your focus does determine your reality, and how you are perceived in someone else’s reality is determined by your actions. So now you have to decide how you want to be perceived… as a tyrant or a hero?
Copyright 2009 Renee Scattergood